In behalf of Tita Connie and Steve, Tita Mia and Marge, Lolo Dad's wife Nancy and her family who are all in the States; Mike, Gen, Belle and Matthew who are in Australia; John John who is in New Zealand and Tata who’s flying somewhere in the world; Jonathan who’s sick and Tito Noel who couldn’t join us today, my mom, JR, Joaqs, Faye and Andre, my husband Manny and our kids Aaron and Calliya, Tito Jun, and my Dad and Lola Mom who are already in heaven; thank you for being here. It means the world to us to know that we have dear friends and family who are there to pray with us in our time of grief.
When Lolo Daddy got sick, I called him almost everyday, and those conversations brought back so many wonderful memories of my time with him. When Papa was killed, I lost so many memories (I was told it was because of the trauma) and I’m always struggling to put bits and pieces of stories together. But it was almost as if my heart was being healed with every conversation with Lolo Dad, and it kept unlocking many beautiful memories that we shared together.
I remember the set of pamalo that he had in his house. As soon as you climbed up those big wooden stairs, there was a cabinet that held all sorts of whipping sticks. He had the really thin, long one and it just kept getting bigger in size – there was one really big, fat one that he thankfully never used on me. I don’t really recall ever being spanked by Lolo Dad, but I’m pretty sure he must have used it on Joaqs. But that’s their story to tell.
I remember him trying his best to teach us how to speak Spanish. We never got past the agua por favor and cubiertos, though. So I think he shifted strategy and began to insist that I learn five new words everyday from the really old and big dictionary that we had in his house. He would list down five words that I would have to use during that day. And some of them were really big words. I would always excogitate, I was in a quandary of how to use these big words without sounding like I was gasconading. All I really wanted to do was simply show him that I was perspicacious. You can just imagine the look on my classmates’ faces when I used the word antidisestablishmentarianism. Which even today, I cannot fully explain to you, but I can use it in a sentence. That made him happy, and he inculcated in me a great love for the written word. It has allowed me to travel the world and go on great adventures, just by reading amazing books.
And oh how he loved music. I grew up with music in my life because he was constantly on his grand piano. I could always tell if he was happy or sad by the music that was playing from downstairs. He always played with all his heart. When Lola Mommy was alive, he would bring us to the music room and ask Tata and I to sing Sound of Music for him and Lola Mom. I could see that in my Dad, too – and I can’t think of the house in Daet without remembering all the favorite tunes that Lolo Dad or Pops or my Mom would play on the piano, or sing, when we lived there. In one of my many conversations with him on the phone, he asked me, “Kumakanta ka pa ba hija?” I jokingly told him, “Sa banyo na lang po.” He told me in a serious tone – kahit anong mangyari, wag kang tumigil kumanta. Kasi yang boses mo ay regalo ng Diyos sayo at dapat maipamana mo yan sa mga anak mo.” That’s why we really wanted to make sure that we had music during mass, and it’s all Tagalog songs because he always wanted to talk to me in Tagalog. I don’t really sing much these days, but that conversation has rekindled my love affair with music, and he has once again given me reason for my soul to sing. Aaron and Calliya love singing at home, and I realize that they have claimed their inheritance from their grandfather, and I have a responsibility to nurture that gift by allowing them to grow up with music in their life, just as I did. I know that Lolo Dad lives on through our songs, so we will keep singing.
For those of you that remember our home in Daet, we have that really long driveway leading up to the house. And although that carries the painful memory because that’s where Papa was gunned down, I now remember that it is also the scene of so many beautiful memories with Lolo Dad. We used to walk down that driveway every night, praying the rosary and just telling stories. I remember us talking about the hundreds of frogs everywhere around our house, he would talk to me about anatomy because he said he wanted me to become a doctor, and he would talk about the beauty of God’s creation. He also talked about his day, about the patients that would come to the clinic who didn’t have any money to pay him, or the people who came for help when he worked in the bank.
I distinctly remember him telling me, “mas mabuti na ikaw ang tinatakbuhan, mas mabuti na ikaw ang hinihingan ng tulong kaysa naman ikaw ang nangangailangan.” That is one of the most important lessons of my life, and I remind myself everyday that whatever blessings I receive aren’t meant just for me and my family.
And it wasn’t just about the money – everything about him exuded kindness and generosity. He was generous with his time, he was generous with his love, and he treated Tata, Marge and I as if we were princesses. And for those of you who know me and my cousins, well… his was a hopeless proposition. Because we’re really more of the warrior princess kind. Nevertheless, he brought out the best in us because of the way that he loved.
When I was preparing to get married, Manny and I went to this beautiful church in Tandang Sora with a really long aisle because I thought that’s what I wanted. But as I stood there by the door imagining that much-dreamt-about walk down the aisle, all I could think of was the painful fact that I would have to walk alone. And the thought of walking down that aisle broke my heart because it reminded me of all the years that I had lived without Papa. And the many more milestones in my life that I would not be able to share with him.
Of course, I was so blessed to have these wonderful father figures in my life – Tito Frank Padilla, Tito Tony Meloto, Tito Jimmy Formoso, Tito Bobby Wong and others. But I realized that for this one special day, it was only my Dad that I wanted to walk me down that aisle. I tell everybody that I chose Caleruega because I can’t stand all the attention on the bride when she does the march and that’s also true. But the truth is I wanted the shortest aisle possible because I didn’t want to be reminded that I no longer had Pops.
So imagine my great joy when Tito Jun and Tita Mia brought him and his wife Nancy to the Philippines to be in my wedding. It was an answer to a prayer that I didn’t dare ask or hope for, but that was the best gift I had ever received. Thank you, Tito Jun and Tita Mia. If I had known he was coming, I probably would have chosen the Manila Cathedral. Hmm. Not really.As we were walking down that really short aisle, he told me “No one can replace your dad, but I’d like to try. And although you have known great pain, I want you to experience great joy. Don’t ever be afraid to love again.” It is a lesson I will carry in my heart forever. So although I am guarded and I choose carefully the people that I allow into my life – the people I love, I love with a passion. This room is full of people that our family loves, and it means the world to us that you are here. We thank the Lord everyday that He brought you into our lives. Thank you.
When I travelled to the US, I would almost always come to see him, but time was always so short. So he would always drive from Sayreville to wherever I was in NJ. We would be giving him instructions via Mapquest, he would always get lost, he almost got into an accident one time, but he always made the effort to come and see me. He always said, “You’ve already flown halfway around the world to see me, I can make that 2 hour drive.”
And he did. Every single time. We would eat, make kwento. I’d insist on paying the bill, but he never allowed me to. And at the end of every trip, he would give me USD20. I knew he didn't really have much, so I’d always politely refuse. Sabi ko sa kanya, “Lolo, ilang taon nyo din kami pinalaki at inalagaan, hayaan mo naman na ako ang mag-alaga sa yo, ako naman ang manlibre sayo.” But he would reply, “Hija, ginawa naman namin yun na walang iniisip na kapalit.”
Now that I am a parent, I realize what great maturity is required to be able to say those words. Because for all my pain and sacrifice for our kids, I do expect something from them! Haha! But Lolo Dad taught me what true love is – it is unconditional, it gives without counting the cost, and it never asks for anything in return. Just like Jesus. And no one knows this lesson better than me, because both my God and my own earthly father gave up their lives for me. And although I know they don’t ask for anything in return, I can only hope and pray that my life gives honor to their sacrifice.
When he was sick, I called him up as soon as I heard. Sabi ko I want to go there. Sabi nya, wag na. He said, "I want you to remember me the way you always remember me – strong and healthy." I want to thank Tito Bobby and Ninang Birang for helping me find this picture of him, I believe this is how he would have wanted us to remember him. Lolo Dad told me, "Tawagan mo na lang ako palagi." So that’s what I did. I called him up, almost everyday. About two weeks ago, he could still talk. He was already having difficulty breathing because of the lung fibrosis, so you could hear heavy breathing on the other line. Then for a few seconds, he would stop breathing and I swear my heart stopped in those moments because I was never really sure if I had lost him, if he was still on the other end of the line.
Lolo Dad was the first special person in my life to get sick – we never really expected the death of Lola Mom and Pops. Preparing for a loved one’s passing brings into sharp focus what is most important in life. I am always rushing for work and into meetings, but I found myself “wasting” time in long phone conversations with Lolo Dad. I was on the phone with Tita Mia and Tita Connie, who were there to take care of him - it was painful but beautiful to see his two daughters by his side in his last days. I thank them for being there for Lolo Dad when we couldn't, and I am grateful for the chance to rekindle my relationship with them.
Lolo Dad kept asking me, “Masaya ka ba, hija. Gusto ko lagi kang masaya” and it made me really think about what truly made me happy. And to not be afraid to follow my heart because it is there that God resides.
And he would always tell me, “naghahanda na ako” and I realized life really is short and it’s up to God, and we must always be ready to go when He calls us. So no unfinished business, no things left unsaid. Because we may not always be blessed with the chance to prepare, and tomorrow may be too late.
As he got more and more sick, the calls became more of a monologue than a conversation. It was difficult, but I did it because he asked me to. Because I loved him, and because that was all that I could really do for him. That was a blessed time to prepare for the inevitable, and I thank the Lord for giving us that time to really just tell him how much we loved him, how much he meant to us, and how he had made a difference in our lives. But the real gift was how he brought all of us back together in love.
Tita Mia and Tita Connie saw each other again, after so many years. It gave me a reason to be in touch with everyone, if only to give them updates of what was happening. And it has brought us all together in a way that we have not done so in a long time – it is wonderful to see all of us in one room, even just for today. Ours is an imperfect family, but I know that love conquers all things. And family is family, no matter what. I am sure that Lolo Manoling and Lola Nita, Lolo Dad and Lola Mom and Papa are smiling down from heaven, and I pray that this will be the beginning of the healing process for our family. It is never too late.
I remember this one hilarious conversation with him when I was just giving him my regular updates of how everyone was doing. And I said, “Lolo, I just talked to Marge. Sabi nya, you can’t go yet because you have to wait for her to get married.” And his reply was, “Sino si Marge?” I said, “Lolo si MM po, dalaga na sya kaya Marge na sya ngayon. Si Joaquin po ay si Wax na ngayon.” He seemed genuinely upset and said wag kayong magpalit ng mga palayaw. He even joked that Wax should just be called Wacko if he really insisted on changing his nickname Kuykuy. I realized then that we would never age in his eyes – I would always be "Isabong", the little girl that he carried in his arms, who walked with him up and down that long driveway, the young lady that he walked down the aisle.
And I realized that he, too, was priceless and ageless in my eyes, and in my heart. I will remember the kindness in his voice, the love in his eyes, and the beautiful lessons that he taught me by example. He lived out one of my favorite quotes of all time : “You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watching. Love like it’s never going to hurt. Sing like there’s nobody listening. And live like heaven on earth.”So after this memorial, I promise you, Lolo Dad.
I will dance in wild abandon, because there’s so much to celebrate and be grateful for. I will love even when it hurts, and I won’t ever be afraid to love passionately, because it is what makes life worth living. I will sing with all my heart, because your memory makes my soul break into song. And I hope that I can help build heaven on earth in my own little way, because that’s what I learned from you and from Papa. I truly hope I make you proud.
I will miss you, phone pal. But I am grateful to have another direct line to heaven, in case Lola Mom and Papa are busy praying for the others. I am a bit jealous that you’re all together now, but I do hope that the good that I try to do everyday earns me that coveted slot in heaven. I look forward to the time when we can all be together again. But in the meantime, allow me to savor the memories, share your story and celebrate a life well lived through this video. Mahal na mahal kita, Lolo Dad. At hinding hindi ka namin makakalimutan.
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