Katig

There I was on an outrigger boat to Masbate, marvelling at the pristine waters, the clear blue skies and cloud formations, and the breathtaking islands.   This was my much needed quiet time, heart almost near bursting as I recalled how the world recognized the humble but heroic work that is GK during the 2012 Skoll World Forum.   It felt like a walk through history and into the future, an almost 12 year journey of faithfulness, seeing God’s hand moving throughout my own personal history, the history of GK and our nation – all so intimately intertwined in His grand plan.

As I was pondering and searching my heart, I found myself strangely attracted to the outrigger, more worn out than the rest of the boat, weary from the non-stop onslaught of the big waves as we traversed for almost three hours.

“Maging katig.”

It is the answer to two questions I’ve been asking lately – how did we get here, and what will continue to propel our work forward?

It is the call to be an outrigger - not to be the engine to steer or control where to go, but to simply be that source of balance and stability.  And what I have seen and witnessed since that fateful day en route to Masbate have only affirmed what the Lord has been trying to say.

******

In rough seas, it is the outrigger that gets a beating from the waves, but that is essential to keep the boat afloat.  “Maging katig” means finding purpose in sacrifice. 

Last week, I met Ate Inday Losenada, one of our inspiring community organizers for our Bayanihan Village in Iligan.   I was there for the turnover of homes for the Sendong victims and I witnessed a different kind of exodus as families began walking towards the new village, their children in hand and carrying whatever little possessions they had left or had collected in the evacuation centers.        
                                                   

It was Ate Inday’s birthday, and if one didn’t know any better, you would think that she was one of the beneficiaries because tears were just flooding her face as we talked to one family after another to find out how they felt about their new home.  I especially loved watching the children, holding hands with a parent and asking, “Kani na atong balay?” (Is this our home now?)  And without any words you could sense the amazement and gratitude after the loss and devastation they had experienced and the hardships of the past five months living in crowded evacuation centers.

But my favourite moments were when the family said sorry and thank you to Ate Inday – for the difficulties that our community organizers had to face when we were starting the values formation for the Sendong victims.  There were times when they were locked out of centers, asked to leave, shouted at, had arguments with – you name it – our organizers were faced with the most raucous set of unbelievers. 

But Ate Inday and her team remain unfazed because they could see the same anger and pain that they themselves had gone through as fire victims.  Before Ate Inday became a proud GK resident of GK Missionville, she was a fire victim who lost everything.  “Akala ko noon, hindi na maibabalik lahat ng nawala sa akin.  Pero sobra sobra pa yung binigay ng GK.  Di lang ako nagka-bahay.  Nagkaroon ng halaga ang aking buhay kasi nakakatulong pa ako sa iba.”  (I thought I could never get back what I had lost.  But GK gave me so much more.  I didn’t just get a house, I discovered that my life has value because it is spent serving others.)

Like her and so many others, every GK hero has a story worth telling, because our lives are emptied out serving others.  At point of breaking, when we face failure or heartbreak, we simply renew our commitment to hope.  We are this world's wounded healers – GK allows us to transform our pain into powerful instruments of healing.

Ate Inday with proud new GK homeowners :)  Best birthday gift for our valiant community organizer!

*******


An outrigger is a boat’s constant.  In calm waters or rough seas, the outrigger is always the balancing force to make sure the boat does not tip over.  “Maging katig” means being in a constant state of mission. 

One of my biggest sources of inspiration lately is the team that I belong to – the IT team.  It may seem a little odd to many given that what the team does is mostly within the GK Headquarters and they are hardly on-ground unlike the other teams in GK.   Thankfully, being a GK fulltime worker is less about the work that is assigned to us and more about the posture of our heart.  Yes, on-ground work is much more challenging and exciting, but the call is just as true, the urgency is just as real and the work is just as important in the office as it is in our communities.

Being in a constant state of mission means we must go beyond comfort zones and seek the greatest adventure – to be in the service of others.  And not just seek our own freedom and happiness but to work tirelessly until the majority who are poor can also live free and pursue their own happiness.

This team carries around an infectious joy as they do their work, and never complains when asked to do overtime or weekend work.  And when we plan for systems, manuals or processes, they do it with an understanding of our mission to be a support structure for GK’s backbone of heroes.  And more than just a team, we operate as a small family unit that's connected to the larger global family of GK.  And we take the word "family" very seriously.

Joseph's home razed down by a fire

I was in Iligan last week with IT co-servant Jersey Miranda trying to understand our reconstruction work and brainstorming on how to refine our systems and processes for Sendong.  Little did we know that while we were on the plane, the homes of over 200 families were being razed down by a fire, including those of his relatives, one of whom works in the IT team with us, Joseph.  As soon as we landed, he started getting the frantic calls.


I knew he wanted to be there for his family and I told him he could go home, but I honor him for deciding to complete the mission we set out to do while also attending to family matters remotely.  I saw him tear up when we turned over the homes to the Sendong victims, and he told me he couldn't help but think of his family back home.  But what was heartwarming and gave him comfort was knowing that while we were on mission, our GK family quickly got to work, responding to Joseph’s needs by immediately helping in their own way – giving clothes, money or offering their friendship and presence.  Joseph's family now lives in an evacuation center & it will be a long journey to recovery, but we are all committed to handhold and see them through this difficult time.

I often need to leave family behind when I go on mission, and everytime I do, I entrust my most precious ones to God and to our GK family.  I carry in my heart the confidence that God can take care of them better than I ever can, and that my GK family are my extended hands and feet in case Manny or our children ever need anything.

This is what it means to be a "katig" -- living out our mission of caring and sharing not just in our communities but in our very own families and homes.  It is the same spirit that I experienced when I was assigned to Mindanao, when I became part of the PMG family -- I know that I belong to an army of missionaries and I find that I have family wherever I go.  And when we say "walang iwanan," it's a sacred commitment we make not just to the GK communities we care for but also to one another.  More than just a tagline, it is our way of life..

*****

The outrigger is the most worn out, unappreciated part of the boat and it is almost always tested to the point of breaking.  “Maging katig” means loving without counting the cost.

A few years ago, our community organizers from GK Molave were put in prison when recalcitrant families in their community filed charges against them.  I remember thinking at that time how serious the work of GK was becoming, and how we were dismantling age old corrupt practices and syndicates and the cost to our workers as we pursued the mission of liberating the poor from these unjust structures.  With the help of partners , they were eventually released and surprisingly, they continued to conduct values formation for the community.

This year, after three years of difficult and committed work, we heard from them again as sharers during the Leaders Conference.  As they were planning on what homes to construct, these amazingly heroic families and GK residents were actually thinking of how to accommodate the very same recalcitrant families who put their leaders in jail a few years ago.

And for those who question the power of caring and sharing, GK Molave is a testament of the human heart’s capacity to forgive and to love.  When GK families experience unconditional love from caretakers, we unleash a power and greatness within them and we never know what kind of ripple effects it will generate.

This is GK’s brand of sacrificial, selfless love that I have witnessed throughout my journey.  It is a love that is transcendent, never counting the cost, never asking for anything in return.  It is the purest kind of love and the most genuine act of generosity given in a constant and consistent way – and it is what is sweeping throughout the country and the world. 

It reminds me of a wise saying by Hafiz of Persia

“Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
'You owe me.'
Look what happens with
A love like that.
It lights the whole sky.” 

Rainbow in Tinago Falls

In communities that have only known darkness, a GK caretaker’s heart brings a ray of light – a candle that burns bright and eventually becomes the transforming flame.   This is our deepest calling – to be a caretaker to one another, to be the outrigger so that we can safely bring every family across the ocean tempest to the peaceful shore where they can rebuild their lives.  

I was recently in Tinago Falls of Iligan, and we witnessed the formation of a rainbow right where the majestic waterfalls were.  I knew in my heart it was the Lord's way of affirming us that we will never again see the devastation of Sendong in Iligan, because we are now building sturdy homes for the poor.  We renew our commitment to be the Lord’s instruments in making that promise a reality.  May God grant us the grace to be faithful.

Brothers Keeper

I woke up just before the dawn’s early light, and saw a message from my good friend, Bai Linda Eman, reminding me that it was the start of Ramadhan for our Muslim brethren.   This could not have been more special as it also coincides with the commemoration of the anniversary of St. Ignatius of Loyola, father of the Jesuits and the person behind the famous Prayer for Generosity, which has guided generations of missionaries like me. 

It is indeed a special time, especially as I look back at the GK Peace Conference in Butuan last weekend.  It marked the seventh year anniversary since that historic caravan of courage to Datu Paglas, when brothers and sisters from all over Mindanao broke barriers and came together to form what we now call the Highway of Peace, a string of GK communities strategically located in former conflict areas and war zones.   In that first caravan, a few brave hearts dared to traverse the dangerous roads to Datu Paglas.  Their courage inspired others to build over hundreds of communities all over Mindanao, transforming the lives of Muslims, Christians and lumads (Indigenous Peoples) alike.

This year, the annual tradition took on a different face, as we brought together key leaders across areas and GENERATIONS, young and old alike, to look back at the seven-year journey and craft how GK would move forward towards peace as we enter the next phase of our work. 

Among the attendees, we saw a different face, literally, as we saw all the familiar faces – our proud GK heroes from the ground, our battle-worn bravehearts and pioneers who have journeyed with us since the beginning.  But they also brought with them the next generation peace builders – former Sagip kids who are now Siga leaders, Kapitbahayan presidents from the various communities and student leaders from partner schools and universities.  Even without words, it was an affirmation that although the road to peace may be long and difficult, the work will continue because the next generation is in place, their minds and hearts are already being molded for the mission, and they will proudly carry the legacy that the GK pioneers began.

Since we wanted a working conference that could capture the history and the framework to move forward, our venue became Fr. Saturnino Urios University, led by its dynamic and visionary (not to mention, very cool) president, Fr. John Young.   He made the whole school and its world-class facilities available for the GK family.  Faculty members were our facilitators, the students were our service team, classrooms became the hostels for our delegates to spend the night, and their gym was transformed from a workshop venue during the day to a beautiful “restaurant” in the evening, where the GK family was treated to a sumptuous buffet dinner and entertainment prepared by the students as a way of honouring the sacrifice and commitment of Team GK.  Love begets love.

More importantly, Fr. John was there during the whole conference, humbly listening, even taking down notes.  It was his presence and friendship that meant the most to us, and I believe his commitment to GK inspired the rest of Urios to also share their time, expertise and treasure with GK.  Everywhere I went, the GK caretaker teams and Kapitbahayan leaders kept reiterating how awed they were at the excellence of the conference – Urios showed us, by example, how important it is to engage not just local governments, but schools and academic institutions in our work of nation-building.

I moved around during the workshops, just listening to the inputs and thoughts of everyone, but I especially paid attention to what the Kapitbahayan and the youth were sharing.  Urios is going to synthesize and capture the results of the workshops, but what struck me the most was how clear it was to our army that the path to peace is simply about being our Brothers’ Keeper.  In fact, I saw it clearly written in some of the meta-cards.  When people were asked to share about what they felt made the GK work so effective, there were a lot of people who said, “Let’s build peace the GK way.” 

I thought about all those who had gone ahead of us, our brave pioneers who planted the first seeds of GK in Mindanao – Tito Jhomie Bangot who started our work with the Subanen lumads in Zamboanga, Bai Giget Paglas who pioneered our work in our first Muslim community in Datu Paglas, Tito Nonoy Maloloy-on who established Compostela Valley as a GK Province together with Governor Uy.  When we began the work many years ago, no one could ever have imagined where the Lord would bring us, but faithfulness is its own reward. 

In a special way, I also remembered my Dad who was gunned down by the NPA in 1992.  His violent death planted deep anger in my heart and an insatiable thirst for justice that I thought was a condition for my heart to find peace.  And yet when his killer was caught and put behind bars, peace remained elusive and I knew then that justice was not enough. 

In GK, I learned that there are only two conditions to peace.  The first one is forgiveness.  I agree with many that it is difficult, but our GK caretakers have shown me the heart’s great capacity to love and forgive.  I will never forget our GK caretaker in Datu Paglas who was one (or the only) survivor of the Datu Paglas massacre where Christians were murdered along the very highway where our GK community now stands.  She recalled every detail of what happened, and shared how painful it was for her to serve Muslims.  But I also remember her saying, “This is the only way for healing and peace to happen, we must forgive.”  That single line, and a life lived in the service of her “enemies” became one of the turning points of my life.

But I see that kind of unconditional love and forgiveness in our caretakers, every day and in every community I visit.  I meet people who really can choose to live their own lives and be comfortable, but choose the path less travelled.  Loving the poor isn’t easy – the challenges can be overwhelming, it is often a thankless job, and the needs very often (if not always) far exceed the resources that we can ever raise.  I know what it’s like to look at the face of a GK resident in need, offer every last penny in your pocket with the full knowledge that it is barely enough.  Or to do everything you can for them and yet they disappoint you or hurt you.  The pain is real, and yet a caretaker’s heart is big enough to forgive every day, over and over again.  And to keep loving until it hurts no more, exactly as Mother Teresa said.

Forgiveness is a Holy grace that is planted, deep-seated in each and every caretaker’s heart.

The second condition to peace is that we must, in our own little way, stop the violence and injustice from happening again.  I may not be able to turn back time, but moving forward, our work of building peaceful and productive communities helps ensure that there is less anger, less hate, less hurting towards one another.  When we started the work in Bagong Silang, I was very passionate to help young people like me because I knew that one Siga would easily stab at least five people in his lifetime, and possibly even take one life, or bring five miserable children into the world because they get so many girls pregnant.  One transformed Siga meant we were saving not just their lives, but the lives of people around them that they could possibly hurt if the work of GK had not reached them.

In my personal prayer time, I always remember Jesse Gabriel, my dad’s killer.  I don’t know if I’ll ever meet him, but because our GK work has reached the prisons I am hopeful that the work will touch and transform him.  He deserves to know he has been forgiven, and he deserves a second chance just like all of us.  I pray for his family, especially if he has children.  If they have anger in their heart, I pray for their healing and I pray for our work in GK to one day reach them too.  I may never know them or meet them, but in time I know God will answer my prayers (if He hasn’t yet).  Our work will find them, one way or the other, and I will not even be surprised if we discover that we have become co-servants in the mission.  What a beautiful day that will be.  And until it happens, I will serve faithfully.

The violence can stop because we decide to forgive, and because we decide to build peace on-ground.  I am passionate for GK because I know that the little contribution I can give is multiplied a thousand-fold, and the cause that I fight and live for is carried on by my brothers and sisters who believe in building a peaceful world that honours the plan of God. 

This is the GK way – it is, very simply, about being our Brothers Keeper.  And it is the only thing that will change the world.  Even if we built all the houses or implemented all the programs – if we have not taught our residents to care and share, if we ourselves remain selfish and look only to our own needs, then the world remains the same.  It is only love that will change it.

On the second day of the conference, I called the house to talk to my kids and my eldest son Aaron was crying.  He said, “I miss you Mom, but I know God wants us to help the poor.”  I knew then that we were doing something right as parents.  We are building a generation that knows how to care for the poor.  And he is only 7 years old.  Only God knows what great things can come out of young hearts that truly know how to love.  

This is St. Ignatius' prayer, lived out.

Dearest Lord, teach me to be generous

Teach me to serve you as I should

To give and not to count the cost

To fight and not to heed the wounds

To toil and not to seek for rest

To labor and ask not for reward

Save that of knowing that I do your most Holy will.

May we be known as the generation that first taught the world how to be our Brothers' Keeper.  This is my dream, my conviction and my deepest prayer.  But when I look at my co-servants and the next generation peace builders that are taking their place, I know it is only a matter of time.  May the Lord grant us the grace to be faithful.  

Team GK, walang iwanan!

Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything

“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.” 

So goes Fr. Arrupe's famous quote, that has probably changed the lives and guided generations of young people like me who are searching for who and what we ultimately give our hearts and our lives to, and what makes this life worth living. The other night, our eldest son Aaron was looking for his baby photos, and in the process of looking for his albums, I also unearthed old photo albums of my youth. 

I never really thought much when I was making those albums. To me, it was a wonderful time in my life that I just wanted to capture at that moment, but after a decade, I find myself so grateful that I did it. They were right - a picture does speak a thousand words. More than that, it evokes a thousand more memories, unlocks a thousand more emotions and teaches you a thing or two about your own life. 

In those pages I found the people that mattered to me the most. I remembered my friends from Bagong Silang, Batang Angkop (as we called ourselves... haha!) that knocked down the Adduru home and built that historic first "GK" house, that walked the eskinitas, that stayed late at night and came early in the morning to plant the seeds of the work that would eventually become GK. I almost cried seeing pictures of the SIGA in Bagong Silang, and discovered that I could still remember their names and I could still remember conversations with them, especially the ones that really shaped and molded my own convictions about service, justice, purpose, and my God. 

I found photos of the early GK communities, and the brave pioneers that started the work from a one page "manual" with a simple formula of 30/30/10. I'm sure none of us would have imagined that the simple work and walk of faith would somehow give birth to a spirit that is now sweeping across the nation and is going to change the world through a culture of caring and sharing. Yup, it's an open secret. Our success is in our very name. We give care, and it transforms. Not just the people we care for, but our very selves. 

I realize now how much truth there is in Luis' words when he says, "Love at first site." I didn't know it then, but I fell in love with Bagong Silang. I fell in love with Tambacan. I fell in love with Bagsak. I fell in love with Lobregat. I fell in love with each and every GK community, every caretaker and every GK resident that I came into contact with. 

I even fell in love and married a GK volunteer :) 

And I did so in a "final and absolute way," so much so that it defined my leaps of faith and healed a heart that I thought then was broken and beyond repair. This final and absolute love continues to change my life. 

It has become the reason why I continue to wake up everyday with this burning fire and passion for mission. I have gotten used to people commenting all the time that I have fire in my belly, and I do. I am a wife, mom and missionary (a friend, a sister, a daughter, a tita or ninang, a co-servant) and I pray everyday for the grace to fulfill those roles. I burn for service, and I am convinced it is what I was brought into this world for. Everything that I have witnessed points me to one simple truth that I carry in my heart - God called us into the world to love and to serve. 

This love decides what I do with my evenings, my weekends, what I read and my every waking moment. They are spent to serve and care for my husband, children, all the people in my life, and the mission I've given my life to. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank the Lord not just for giving me GK, but also for surrounding me with so many beautiful souls that I have the privilege of calling family, friends and co-servants. I know each one was carefully handpicked by God, and brought to me at just the right time to help me become person I am today. 

But most importantly, as Fr. Arrupe said, this love decides what breaks my heart, and what amazes me with joy and gratitude. I continue to learn, time and again, that giving your heart to something and someone gives you the greatest happiness but also, the deepest heartbreak. There is that slow, subtle dance between immense joy and agonizing sorrow, but I have learned that it is part of the rhythm of life and we must simply learn to dance, one step at a time. The only way to dance well is to abandon control and give yourself completely to the Author of the music, the Master of the dance. 

I've also come to accept that who or what you fall in love isn't really your choice. There have been times, (and there are still times) when I wish I could choose who and what my heart falls for. I wish I could choose people easier to love, work assignments that are more comfortable. But I can't. 

These are the Divine Appointments in my life, and I welcome the moments when I find someone or something that ABSOLUTELY captures my heart. I recognize it now as a rare and beautiful gift; I embrace it when it happens and I don't question why it is given. Each one is but one more lesson in loving - the refiner's fire at work, fulfilling God's Holy Desire to bring out the gold in each one of us. 

It is difficult and painful, but pain nourishes courage. And a good heartbreak is always worth it, because that is the only way for our souls to expand, and for us to grow. 

As one of my favorite quotes goes : "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit." 

So although I can't choose who or what I fall in love with, I can choose to stay passionately in love, because it is in these relationships and commitments that I find God. And in those moments of grace when I see Him, face to face, in the people I love and care for and in the mission He has called to do, I am happiest. Then the pain is a small price to pay because you choose, in Mother Teresa's words, to "love until it hurts no more." 

And that, as Fr. Arrupe said, decides everything.

Laban kay "Juan," Para kay Juan

We were in full battle gear, ready for the difficult mission ahead, but what we were not ready for was the assault on our hearts and spirits.

It was heart wrenching and inspiring, all at the same time.

It felt like we were entering a war zone as we reached ground zero in Isabela.  As we reached the first town, we saw a Shell gas station structure almost completely dislodged from the ground!  It was scary to think that something that big could be dislodged by the strength of the winds and we were all bracing ourselves for what we would find on-site.

As expected, the devastation was widespread, especially in Ilagan and Tumauini, the two priority sites that we initially listed.  According to our GK hero, Tito Elmer Cadiz, these were the two badly hit areas.  We saw long stretches of the highway, several kilometers long that had leaf-less trees and not a single electric post standing straight.  

But more than the physical destruction, it was the difficult ordeal that the families had to go through as "Juan" raged through their homes, and the pain of losing everything that really pained all of us.  Going through one GK community after another, we talked to the families and each one of them had a different story to tell.  Just one massive supertyphoon, but so many painful stories of real lives, real families, real parents and real children all fighting to survive and having to wake up the next day with practically nothing and the realization that it is back to square one, all over again for most of them.  

I was lucky to have my camera with me, and I took a video of a conversation that I had with a GK resident in our GK community in Tumauini, Isabela.  In this community of 100 homes, ALL the families lost the roofs of their homes.  But it really only becomes real to you when you see their face, their pain, but also their courage.

A GK resident shares his story

But I cannot imagine what it must be like to feel so helpless as you see the wind tearing down the roof that you are praying will keep your family safe.  I can't imagine what it must be like to see your small children taking refuge under the kitchen sink, while you watch out for perfect timing when you can run to safer ground while you see debris and metal flying everywhere.  And it is heartbreaking for me to even think about what it must be like to see your children soaking wet and trembling in the cold with nothing dry to wear.  And to have to sleep that night not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

And if going through all that was difficult, it is clear to me that it is even harder when they woke up the next day.  Typhoon "Juan" may have left, but they must now pick up the pieces.  

I shudder to think what could have happened to them if we had not relocated them from the dangerous areas they were living in and built these sturdy homes for them.  Even the big structures in Tumauini lost their roofs due to the strong winds that "Juan" brought.  Now the challenge is for us to help them get back on their feet and put a roof over their head, in the literal sense of the word! 

During the Expo, we launched Kalinga sa Bayan and we said that we would now share the GK way with everyone, and offer to help not just our GK communities but whole towns and cities.  And just a few days later, God shows us an opportunity to really put this into practice with Typhoon Juan!  This reminds me of that planning session in Clark way back in 2002 when we said we would build 1,000 homes that year.  It was an ambitious number for the small, rag tag team that only had less than 30 communities, but we ended up building close to 2,000 homes that year!  As we cross the threshold of our first seven years and step forward in faith to the next 7, I can see God's hand moving mightily once again and He is once again showing us the way.

With the help of Tito Elmer Cadiz and in coordination with Mayor Arnold of Tumauini, we have launched 

KALINGA SA BAYAN : 

LABAN KAY "JUAN," PARA KAY JUAN

This is Gawad Kalinga's campaign to to help the families severely affected by Typhoon Juan.

 

We started by distributing in the GK communities that we have established throughout Isabela, and our teams used that as a base to assess the nearby barangays where we could also distribute the much needed relief goods.  The latest update of what we've been able to distribute and where is available online via www.gk1world.com

And because of the generosity of our partners and friends who simply refuse to leave our countrymen behind, we have a wonderful opportunity to really help these families get back on their feet by helping provide roofs for the families that were affected by the storm.  

Even while we were there, many of them were beginning to pick up the pieces.  Some, like this boy Jordan, was so inspiring and his actions brought tears to my eyes.  He was barely eight years old, almost the same age as my young son, and I saw him fixing their family's roof.  I asked him, "Bakit ikaw ang nag-aayos ng bubong ninyo?" (Why are you the one fixing your roof?).  He pointed to his dad and said, "Kasi po naaksidente yung tatay ko nung bagyo. May malaking sugat po yung paa nya, kaya ako na muna ang gagawa nito." (My father hurt his foot during the storm, so I offered to do this myself."  

Some families were already picking up the damaged GI sheets and were putting that and other scraps to create makeshift roofs.  Others who were not able to collect enough scraps simply built temporary shelters beside their home just so they could have a roof over their heads.  It is good to see them taking control of their lives and not losing hope despite the overwhelming challenge they just faced.

But given their limited resources, this is the best that they can do by themselves.  And that's why the call of Gawad Kalinga is for us to be our brothers keepers - let's not leave them behind!  Our volunteers are already getting ready and mobilizing for a build next week.  With the help of everyone, we can make sure that these families have roofs over their heads, built sturdier so that it withstands bigger storms and we'll also be teaching families how to secure it better.  

The dream that we have is to be able to install roofs for all the 160 families in Tumauini and Ilagan.  I have no doubt that God will not fail those families and He will use us mightily to make their dreams come true. 

This was our last moment with the Kapitbahayan residents of GK Tumauini, and you would never be able to tell that these are the victims of typhoon Juan.  

Yes, those are bright smiles.  And it is pure grace.

Our presence brings them hope.  And although we cannot promise them material blessings (although they are sure to come), it is the fact that we are there for them and that we will simply never give up and leave them behind is the reason behind those bright smiles despite what they went through.  

In the end, it is the relationship that we have built through these years that matters.  And it is precisely because of this genuine friendship that we continue to do what we do.  Because no storm can be stronger than the bond that we have built.  No adversity can overcome the greatness and nobility of the Filipino spirit.  And although there is much that we will still go through together, nothing can break our faith in our great God who continues to provide and care for His people through the hands and hearts of so many people who genuinely care for the poor.

It is these hands and hearts that make the work of GK truly heroic, truly noble, and truly God's work.  I was not able to take their picture, but en route to Isabela, we passed by Nueva Vizcaya and found out that several Kapitbahayan members (GK residents) from Dupax del Norte were there since 7 AM and wanted to come with us to find out how they could help.  They had food packs with them and were mission ready, just like us - eager to help their fellow Kapitbahayan because they had been spared from the storm.  

"By their fruits, you shall know them," says the Bible.  And although the world may look at our homes or programs that truly make a difference in the lives of our poor countrymen, it is when they rise up and realize that they have been blessed and can be a blessing to others that is the true measure of our success. And I thank the Lord for showing us the beautiful fruits of His work done through the countless GK heroes throughout the world.  It is always a privilege to work in the Lord's vineyard with all of you.

Let's always be our brothers keepers.  Walang Iwanan!

A Celebration of a Life Well Lived : Eulogy for Lolo Dad

In behalf of Tita Connie and Steve, Tita Mia and Marge, Lolo Dad's wife Nancy and her family who are all in the States; Mike, Gen, Belle and Matthew who are in Australia; John John who is in New Zealand and Tata who’s flying somewhere in the world; Jonathan who’s sick and Tito Noel who couldn’t join us today, my mom, JR, Joaqs, Faye and Andre, my husband Manny and our kids Aaron and Calliya, Tito Jun, and my Dad and Lola Mom who are already in heaven; thank you for being here.  It means the world to us to know that we have dear friends and family who are there to pray with us in our time of grief.

When Lolo Daddy got sick, I called him almost everyday, and those conversations brought back so many wonderful memories of my time with him.  When Papa was killed, I lost so many memories (I was told it was because of the trauma) and I’m always struggling to put bits and pieces of stories together.  But it was almost as if my heart was being healed with every conversation with Lolo Dad, and it kept unlocking many beautiful memories that we shared together. 

I remember the set of pamalo that he had in his house.  As soon as you climbed up those big wooden stairs, there was a cabinet that held all sorts of whipping sticks.  He had the really thin, long one and it just kept getting bigger in size – there was one really big, fat one that he thankfully never used on me.  I don’t really recall ever being spanked by Lolo Dad, but I’m pretty sure he must have used it on Joaqs.  But that’s their story to tell.

I remember him trying his best to teach us how to speak Spanish.  We never got past the agua por favor and cubiertos, though.  So I think he shifted strategy and began to insist that I learn five new words everyday from the really old and big dictionary that we had in his house.   He would list down five words that I would have to use during that day.  And some of them were really big words.  I would always excogitate, I was in a quandary of how to use these big words without sounding like I was gasconading.  All I really wanted to do was simply show him that I was perspicacious.  You can just imagine the look on my classmates’ faces when I used the word antidisestablishmentarianism.  Which even today, I cannot fully explain to you, but I can use it in a sentence.  That made him happy, and he inculcated in me a great love for the written word.  It has allowed me to travel the world and go on great adventures, just by reading amazing books.

And oh how he loved music.  I grew up with music in my life because he was constantly on his grand piano.  I could always tell if he was happy or sad by the music that was playing from downstairs.  He always played with all his heart. When Lola Mommy was alive, he would bring us to the music room and ask Tata and I to sing Sound of Music for him and Lola Mom.  I could see that in my Dad, too – and I can’t think of the house in Daet without remembering all the favorite tunes that Lolo Dad or Pops or my Mom would play on the piano, or sing, when we lived there.  

In one of my many conversations with him on the phone, he asked me, “Kumakanta ka pa ba hija?”  I jokingly told him, “Sa banyo na lang po.”  He told me in a serious tone – kahit anong mangyari, wag kang tumigil kumanta.  Kasi yang boses mo ay regalo ng Diyos sayo at dapat maipamana mo yan sa mga anak mo.”  That’s why we really wanted to make sure that we had music during mass, and it’s all Tagalog songs because he always wanted to talk to me in Tagalog.  I don’t really sing much these days, but that conversation has rekindled my love affair with music, and he has once again given me reason for my soul to sing.  Aaron and Calliya love singing at home, and I realize that they have claimed their inheritance from their grandfather, and I have a responsibility to nurture that gift by allowing them to grow up with music in their life, just as I did.  I know that Lolo Dad lives on through our songs, so we will keep singing.

For those of you that remember our home in Daet, we have that really long driveway leading up to the house.  And although that carries the painful memory because that’s where Papa was gunned down, I now remember that it is also the scene of so many beautiful memories with Lolo Dad.  We used to walk down that driveway every night, praying the rosary and just telling stories.  I remember us talking about the hundreds of frogs  everywhere around our house, he would talk to me about anatomy because he said he wanted me to become a doctor, and he would talk about the beauty of God’s creation.  He also talked about his day, about the patients that would come to the clinic who didn’t have any money to pay him, or the people who came for help when he worked in the bank. 

I distinctly remember him telling me, “mas mabuti na ikaw ang tinatakbuhan, mas mabuti na ikaw ang hinihingan ng tulong kaysa naman ikaw ang nangangailangan.”  That is one of the most important lessons of my life, and I remind myself everyday that whatever blessings I receive aren’t meant just for me and my family. 

And it wasn’t just about the money – everything about him exuded kindness and generosity.  He was generous with his time, he was generous with his love, and he treated Tata, Marge and I as if we were princesses.  And for those of you who know me and my cousins, well… his was a hopeless proposition.  Because we’re really more of the warrior princess kind.  Nevertheless, he brought out the best in us because of the way that he loved.

When I was preparing to get married, Manny and I went to this beautiful church in Tandang Sora with a really long aisle because I thought that’s what I wanted.  But as I stood there by the door imagining that much-dreamt-about walk down the aisle, all I could think of was the painful fact that I would have to walk alone.  And the thought of walking down that aisle broke my heart because it reminded me of all the years that I had lived without Papa.  And the many more milestones in my life that I would not be able to share with him. 

Of course, I was so blessed to have these wonderful father figures in my life – Tito Frank Padilla, Tito Tony Meloto, Tito Jimmy Formoso, Tito Bobby Wong and others.  But I realized that for this one special day, it was only my Dad that I wanted to walk me down that aisle.  I tell everybody that I chose Caleruega because I can’t stand all the attention on the bride when she does the march and that’s also true.  But the truth is I wanted the shortest aisle possible because I didn’t want to be reminded that I no longer had Pops.

So imagine my great joy when Tito Jun and Tita Mia brought him and his wife Nancy to the Philippines to be in my wedding.  It was an answer to a prayer that I didn’t dare ask or hope for, but that was the best gift I had ever received.  Thank you, Tito Jun and Tita Mia.  If I had known he was coming, I probably would have chosen the Manila Cathedral.  Hmm. Not really.

As we were walking down that really short aisle, he told me “No one can replace your dad, but I’d like to try.  And although you have known great pain, I want you to experience great joy.  Don’t ever be afraid to love again.”  It is a lesson I will carry in my heart forever.  So although I am guarded and I choose carefully the people that I allow into my life – the people I love, I love with a passion.  This room is full of people that our family loves, and it means the world to us that you are here.  We thank the Lord everyday that He brought you into our lives.  Thank you.

When I travelled to the US, I would almost always come to see him, but time was always so short.  So he would always drive from Sayreville to wherever I was in NJ.  We would be giving him instructions via Mapquest, he would always get lost, he almost got into an accident one time, but he always made the effort to come and see me.  He always said, “You’ve already flown halfway around the world to see me, I can make that 2 hour drive.” 

And he did.  Every single time.  We would eat, make kwento.  I’d insist on paying the bill, but he never allowed me to.  And at the end of every trip, he would give me USD20.  I knew he didn't really have much, so I’d always politely refuse.  Sabi ko sa kanya, “Lolo, ilang taon nyo din kami pinalaki at inalagaan, hayaan mo naman na ako ang mag-alaga sa yo, ako naman ang manlibre sayo.” But he would reply, “Hija, ginawa naman namin yun na walang iniisip na kapalit.”

Now that I am a parent, I realize what great maturity is required to be able to say those words.  Because for all my pain and sacrifice for our kids, I do expect something from them!  Haha!  But Lolo Dad taught me what true love is – it is unconditional, it gives without counting the cost, and it never asks for anything in return.  Just like Jesus.  And no one knows this lesson better than me, because both my God and my own earthly father gave up their lives for me.  And although I know they don’t ask for anything in return, I can only hope and pray that my life gives honor to their sacrifice.

When he was sick, I called him up as soon as I heard.  Sabi ko I want to go there.  Sabi nya, wag na. He said, "I want you to remember me the way you always remember me – strong and healthy."  I want to thank Tito Bobby and Ninang Birang for helping me find this picture of him, I believe this is how he would have wanted us to remember him.  

Lolo Dad told me, "Tawagan mo na lang ako palagi."  So that’s what I did.  I called him up, almost everyday.  About two weeks ago, he could still talk.  He was already having difficulty breathing because of the lung fibrosis, so you could hear heavy breathing on the other line.  Then for a few seconds, he would stop breathing and I swear my heart stopped in those moments because I was never really sure if I had lost him, if he was still on the other end of the line. 

Lolo Dad was the first special person in my life to get sick – we never really expected the death of Lola Mom and Pops.  Preparing for a loved one’s passing brings into sharp focus what is most important in life.  I am always rushing for work and into meetings, but I found myself “wasting” time in long phone conversations with Lolo Dad.  I was on the phone with Tita Mia and Tita Connie, who were there to take care of him - it was painful but beautiful to see his two daughters by his side in his last days.  I thank them for being there for Lolo Dad when we couldn't, and I am grateful for the chance to rekindle my relationship with them.  

Lolo Dad kept asking me, “Masaya ka ba, hija.  Gusto ko lagi kang masaya” and it made me really think about what truly made me happy.  And to not be afraid to follow my heart because it is there that God resides.

And he would always tell me, “naghahanda na ako” and I realized life really is short and it’s up to God, and we must always be ready to go when He calls us.  So no unfinished business, no things left unsaid.  Because we may not always be blessed with the chance to prepare, and tomorrow may be too late.

As he got more and more sick, the calls became more of a monologue than a conversation.  It was difficult, but I did it because he asked me to.  Because I loved him, and because that was all that I could really do for him.  That was a blessed time to prepare for the inevitable, and I thank the Lord for giving us that time to really just tell him how much we loved him, how much he meant to us, and how he had made a difference in our lives. But the real gift was how he brought all of us back together in love. 

Tita Mia and Tita Connie saw each other again, after so many years.  It gave me a reason to be in touch with everyone, if only to give them updates of what was happening.  And it has brought us all together in a way that we have not done so in a long time – it is wonderful to see all of us in one room, even just for today.  Ours is an imperfect family, but I know that love conquers all things.  And family is family, no matter what.  I am sure that Lolo Manoling and Lola Nita, Lolo Dad and Lola Mom and Papa are smiling down from heaven, and I pray that this will be the beginning of the healing process for our family.  It is never too late.

I remember this one hilarious conversation with him when I was just giving him my regular updates of how everyone was doing.  And I said, “Lolo, I just talked to Marge.  Sabi nya, you can’t go yet because you have to wait for her to get married.”  And his reply was, “Sino si Marge?”  I said, “Lolo si MM po, dalaga na sya kaya Marge na sya ngayon.  Si Joaquin po ay si Wax na ngayon.”  He seemed genuinely upset and said wag kayong magpalit ng mga palayaw.  He even joked that Wax should just be called Wacko if he really insisted on changing his nickname Kuykuy.  I realized then that we would never age in his eyes – I would always be "Isabong", the little girl that he carried in his arms, who walked with him up and down that long driveway, the young lady that he walked down the aisle.

And I realized that he, too, was priceless and ageless in my eyes, and in my heart.  I will remember the kindness in his voice, the love in his eyes, and the beautiful lessons that he taught me by example.  He lived out one of my favorite quotes of all time : “You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watching.  Love like it’s never going to hurt.  Sing like there’s nobody listening.  And live like heaven on earth.”

So after this memorial, I promise you, Lolo Dad.  

I will dance in wild abandon, because there’s so much to celebrate and be grateful for.  I will love even when it hurts, and I won’t ever be afraid to love passionately, because it is what makes life worth living.  I will sing with all my heart, because your memory makes my soul break into song.  And I hope that I can help build heaven on earth in my own little way, because that’s what I learned from you and from Papa.  I truly hope I make you proud.

I will miss you, phone pal.  But I am grateful to have another direct line to heaven, in case Lola Mom and Papa are busy praying for the others.  I am a bit jealous that you’re all together now, but I do hope that the good that I try to do everyday earns me that coveted slot in heaven.  I look forward to the time when we can all be together again.  But in the meantime, allow me to savor the memories, share your story and celebrate a life well lived through this video.  Mahal na mahal kita, Lolo Dad.  At hinding hindi ka namin makakalimutan. 

Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita.


In Memory of Lolo Dad