Monday, August 1, 2011

Brothers Keeper

I woke up just before the dawn’s early light, and saw a message from my good friend, Bai Linda Eman, reminding me that it was the start of Ramadhan for our Muslim brethren.   This could not have been more special as it also coincides with the commemoration of the anniversary of St. Ignatius of Loyola, father of the Jesuits and the person behind the famous Prayer for Generosity, which has guided generations of missionaries like me. 

It is indeed a special time, especially as I look back at the GK Peace Conference in Butuan last weekend.  It marked the seventh year anniversary since that historic caravan of courage to Datu Paglas, when brothers and sisters from all over Mindanao broke barriers and came together to form what we now call the Highway of Peace, a string of GK communities strategically located in former conflict areas and war zones.   In that first caravan, a few brave hearts dared to traverse the dangerous roads to Datu Paglas.  Their courage inspired others to build over hundreds of communities all over Mindanao, transforming the lives of Muslims, Christians and lumads (Indigenous Peoples) alike.

This year, the annual tradition took on a different face, as we brought together key leaders across areas and GENERATIONS, young and old alike, to look back at the seven-year journey and craft how GK would move forward towards peace as we enter the next phase of our work. 

Among the attendees, we saw a different face, literally, as we saw all the familiar faces – our proud GK heroes from the ground, our battle-worn bravehearts and pioneers who have journeyed with us since the beginning.  But they also brought with them the next generation peace builders – former Sagip kids who are now Siga leaders, Kapitbahayan presidents from the various communities and student leaders from partner schools and universities.  Even without words, it was an affirmation that although the road to peace may be long and difficult, the work will continue because the next generation is in place, their minds and hearts are already being molded for the mission, and they will proudly carry the legacy that the GK pioneers began.

Since we wanted a working conference that could capture the history and the framework to move forward, our venue became Fr. Saturnino Urios University, led by its dynamic and visionary (not to mention, very cool) president, Fr. John Young.   He made the whole school and its world-class facilities available for the GK family.  Faculty members were our facilitators, the students were our service team, classrooms became the hostels for our delegates to spend the night, and their gym was transformed from a workshop venue during the day to a beautiful “restaurant” in the evening, where the GK family was treated to a sumptuous buffet dinner and entertainment prepared by the students as a way of honouring the sacrifice and commitment of Team GK.  Love begets love.

More importantly, Fr. John was there during the whole conference, humbly listening, even taking down notes.  It was his presence and friendship that meant the most to us, and I believe his commitment to GK inspired the rest of Urios to also share their time, expertise and treasure with GK.  Everywhere I went, the GK caretaker teams and Kapitbahayan leaders kept reiterating how awed they were at the excellence of the conference – Urios showed us, by example, how important it is to engage not just local governments, but schools and academic institutions in our work of nation-building.

I moved around during the workshops, just listening to the inputs and thoughts of everyone, but I especially paid attention to what the Kapitbahayan and the youth were sharing.  Urios is going to synthesize and capture the results of the workshops, but what struck me the most was how clear it was to our army that the path to peace is simply about being our Brothers’ Keeper.  In fact, I saw it clearly written in some of the meta-cards.  When people were asked to share about what they felt made the GK work so effective, there were a lot of people who said, “Let’s build peace the GK way.” 

I thought about all those who had gone ahead of us, our brave pioneers who planted the first seeds of GK in Mindanao – Tito Jhomie Bangot who started our work with the Subanen lumads in Zamboanga, Bai Giget Paglas who pioneered our work in our first Muslim community in Datu Paglas, Tito Nonoy Maloloy-on who established Compostela Valley as a GK Province together with Governor Uy.  When we began the work many years ago, no one could ever have imagined where the Lord would bring us, but faithfulness is its own reward. 

In a special way, I also remembered my Dad who was gunned down by the NPA in 1992.  His violent death planted deep anger in my heart and an insatiable thirst for justice that I thought was a condition for my heart to find peace.  And yet when his killer was caught and put behind bars, peace remained elusive and I knew then that justice was not enough. 

In GK, I learned that there are only two conditions to peace.  The first one is forgiveness.  I agree with many that it is difficult, but our GK caretakers have shown me the heart’s great capacity to love and forgive.  I will never forget our GK caretaker in Datu Paglas who was one (or the only) survivor of the Datu Paglas massacre where Christians were murdered along the very highway where our GK community now stands.  She recalled every detail of what happened, and shared how painful it was for her to serve Muslims.  But I also remember her saying, “This is the only way for healing and peace to happen, we must forgive.”  That single line, and a life lived in the service of her “enemies” became one of the turning points of my life.

But I see that kind of unconditional love and forgiveness in our caretakers, every day and in every community I visit.  I meet people who really can choose to live their own lives and be comfortable, but choose the path less travelled.  Loving the poor isn’t easy – the challenges can be overwhelming, it is often a thankless job, and the needs very often (if not always) far exceed the resources that we can ever raise.  I know what it’s like to look at the face of a GK resident in need, offer every last penny in your pocket with the full knowledge that it is barely enough.  Or to do everything you can for them and yet they disappoint you or hurt you.  The pain is real, and yet a caretaker’s heart is big enough to forgive every day, over and over again.  And to keep loving until it hurts no more, exactly as Mother Teresa said.

Forgiveness is a Holy grace that is planted, deep-seated in each and every caretaker’s heart.

The second condition to peace is that we must, in our own little way, stop the violence and injustice from happening again.  I may not be able to turn back time, but moving forward, our work of building peaceful and productive communities helps ensure that there is less anger, less hate, less hurting towards one another.  When we started the work in Bagong Silang, I was very passionate to help young people like me because I knew that one Siga would easily stab at least five people in his lifetime, and possibly even take one life, or bring five miserable children into the world because they get so many girls pregnant.  One transformed Siga meant we were saving not just their lives, but the lives of people around them that they could possibly hurt if the work of GK had not reached them.

In my personal prayer time, I always remember Jesse Gabriel, my dad’s killer.  I don’t know if I’ll ever meet him, but because our GK work has reached the prisons I am hopeful that the work will touch and transform him.  He deserves to know he has been forgiven, and he deserves a second chance just like all of us.  I pray for his family, especially if he has children.  If they have anger in their heart, I pray for their healing and I pray for our work in GK to one day reach them too.  I may never know them or meet them, but in time I know God will answer my prayers (if He hasn’t yet).  Our work will find them, one way or the other, and I will not even be surprised if we discover that we have become co-servants in the mission.  What a beautiful day that will be.  And until it happens, I will serve faithfully.

The violence can stop because we decide to forgive, and because we decide to build peace on-ground.  I am passionate for GK because I know that the little contribution I can give is multiplied a thousand-fold, and the cause that I fight and live for is carried on by my brothers and sisters who believe in building a peaceful world that honours the plan of God. 

This is the GK way – it is, very simply, about being our Brothers Keeper.  And it is the only thing that will change the world.  Even if we built all the houses or implemented all the programs – if we have not taught our residents to care and share, if we ourselves remain selfish and look only to our own needs, then the world remains the same.  It is only love that will change it.

On the second day of the conference, I called the house to talk to my kids and my eldest son Aaron was crying.  He said, “I miss you Mom, but I know God wants us to help the poor.”  I knew then that we were doing something right as parents.  We are building a generation that knows how to care for the poor.  And he is only 7 years old.  Only God knows what great things can come out of young hearts that truly know how to love.  

This is St. Ignatius' prayer, lived out.

Dearest Lord, teach me to be generous
Teach me to serve you as I should
To give and not to count the cost
To fight and not to heed the wounds
To toil and not to seek for rest
To labor and ask not for reward
Save that of knowing that I do your most Holy will.

May we be known as the generation that first taught the world how to be our Brothers' Keeper.  This is my dream, my conviction and my deepest prayer.  But when I look at my co-servants and the next generation peace builders that are taking their place, I know it is only a matter of time.  May the Lord grant us the grace to be faithful.  

Team GK, walang iwanan!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything

“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.” 

So goes Fr. Arrupe's famous quote, that has probably changed the lives and guided generations of young people like me who are searching for who and what we ultimately give our hearts and our lives to, and what makes this life worth living. The other night, our eldest son Aaron was looking for his baby photos, and in the process of looking for his albums, I also unearthed old photo albums of my youth. 

I never really thought much when I was making those albums. To me, it was a wonderful time in my life that I just wanted to capture at that moment, but after a decade, I find myself so grateful that I did it. They were right - a picture does speak a thousand words. More than that, it evokes a thousand more memories, unlocks a thousand more emotions and teaches you a thing or two about your own life. 

In those pages I found the people that mattered to me the most. I remembered my friends from Bagong Silang, Batang Angkop (as we called ourselves... haha!) that knocked down the Adduru home and built that historic first "GK" house, that walked the eskinitas, that stayed late at night and came early in the morning to plant the seeds of the work that would eventually become GK. I almost cried seeing pictures of the SIGA in Bagong Silang, and discovered that I could still remember their names and I could still remember conversations with them, especially the ones that really shaped and molded my own convictions about service, justice, purpose, and my God. 

I found photos of the early GK communities, and the brave pioneers that started the work from a one page "manual" with a simple formula of 30/30/10. I'm sure none of us would have imagined that the simple work and walk of faith would somehow give birth to a spirit that is now sweeping across the nation and is going to change the world through a culture of caring and sharing. Yup, it's an open secret. Our success is in our very name. We give care, and it transforms. Not just the people we care for, but our very selves. 

I realize now how much truth there is in Luis' words when he says, "Love at first site." I didn't know it then, but I fell in love with Bagong Silang. I fell in love with Tambacan. I fell in love with Bagsak. I fell in love with Lobregat. I fell in love with each and every GK community, every caretaker and every GK resident that I came into contact with. 

I even fell in love and married a GK volunteer :) 

And I did so in a "final and absolute way," so much so that it defined my leaps of faith and healed a heart that I thought then was broken and beyond repair. This final and absolute love continues to change my life. 

It has become the reason why I continue to wake up everyday with this burning fire and passion for mission. I have gotten used to people commenting all the time that I have fire in my belly, and I do. I am a wife, mom and missionary (a friend, a sister, a daughter, a tita or ninang, a co-servant) and I pray everyday for the grace to fulfill those roles. I burn for service, and I am convinced it is what I was brought into this world for. Everything that I have witnessed points me to one simple truth that I carry in my heart - God called us into the world to love and to serve. 

This love decides what I do with my evenings, my weekends, what I read and my every waking moment. They are spent to serve and care for my husband, children, all the people in my life, and the mission I've given my life to. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank the Lord not just for giving me GK, but also for surrounding me with so many beautiful souls that I have the privilege of calling family, friends and co-servants. I know each one was carefully handpicked by God, and brought to me at just the right time to help me become person I am today. 

But most importantly, as Fr. Arrupe said, this love decides what breaks my heart, and what amazes me with joy and gratitude. I continue to learn, time and again, that giving your heart to something and someone gives you the greatest happiness but also, the deepest heartbreak. There is that slow, subtle dance between immense joy and agonizing sorrow, but I have learned that it is part of the rhythm of life and we must simply learn to dance, one step at a time. The only way to dance well is to abandon control and give yourself completely to the Author of the music, the Master of the dance. 

I've also come to accept that who or what you fall in love isn't really your choice. There have been times, (and there are still times) when I wish I could choose who and what my heart falls for. I wish I could choose people easier to love, work assignments that are more comfortable. But I can't. 

These are the Divine Appointments in my life, and I welcome the moments when I find someone or something that ABSOLUTELY captures my heart. I recognize it now as a rare and beautiful gift; I embrace it when it happens and I don't question why it is given. Each one is but one more lesson in loving - the refiner's fire at work, fulfilling God's Holy Desire to bring out the gold in each one of us. 

It is difficult and painful, but pain nourishes courage. And a good heartbreak is always worth it, because that is the only way for our souls to expand, and for us to grow. 

As one of my favorite quotes goes : "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit." 

So although I can't choose who or what I fall in love with, I can choose to stay passionately in love, because it is in these relationships and commitments that I find God. And in those moments of grace when I see Him, face to face, in the people I love and care for and in the mission He has called to do, I am happiest. Then the pain is a small price to pay because you choose, in Mother Teresa's words, to "love until it hurts no more." 

And that, as Fr. Arrupe said, decides everything.